How To Forgive Yourself For Hurting Someone

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Many times, when we hear the term forgiveness, we think of either needing to ask for it or give it to someone who has wronged us or caused us pain. Those are accurate but sometimes, there is one person we often overlook when it comes to needing to be forgiven… ourselves.


Think about it, how many times have you wronged someone, maybe you lied, stole something or said something mean. Sometimes it is intentional, sometimes it isn’t. Regardless, when we cause someone pain you usually feel awful after the fact, right?


When that happens, we go to the person and we ask them to forgive us in hopes that after we feel better, but that doesn’t always happen. The guilt, shame and embarrassment we felt can still fester inside making us angry at ourselves. This is not healthy, nor does it lead to anything good. Once we have received forgiveness from the person we hurt we need to forgive ourselves.


Forgiving people is already hard so you may be wondering how do we actually forgive ourselves?  


First, you need to accept what happened, we cannot change the past but we can apply what we learned for the future.  Identify your morals. The reality is what you did probably isn’t sitting right because you know better. By bringing our morals to light we can get a better understanding of why we can’t seem to let go of what we did.


To really let go of what happened and forgive yourself, reflect on what occurred and write down what you learned. Next, apply those lessons, not just to your life now, you should also take a step back and apply them to the situation. Write down what you would do differently now that you know what the result was the last time, include any regrets and identify ways you can make sure in the future you don’t find yourself having those regrets again. After some reflection and growing it is time to show yourself some love.


You are not a terrible person, you made a mistake, we all do. One mistake does not define who you are as a person. Once you have reflected on the mistake it is time to reflect on areas where you thrive- ways you have helped people, given of your time or money.  Now, this doesn’t mean you won’t face any consequences, you will need to face those but you are more than your mistakes.


If you find yourself continuing to struggle, unable to forgive yourself we recommend talking to someone about it, that could be a trusted friend, family member or even a professional.


Regardless of your methods, it is imperative that you do forgive yourself so you can heal and experience peace.



InspirationalHeidi McDow